Hello (name deleted), I want to say that I think yours, is a well thought out post. To me, what you have written here demonstrates the beginnings of a clear understanding of the meaning of the word flexibility. In your post I am getting the impression that you are operating out of a point of view that contains a rare depth of insight. I can not dispute, in whole, what you have written in this post. In my opinion, it is the client whom is best served when the approach is based on meeting the client at the level of personal individuality.

However, in all fairness, when I read part of what you wrote, it seemed to jump right off of the page and into the forefront of my mind. Let me quote:

(deleted as permission was not received to post the quote - So in effect, the person said, that, normally, when client doesn't believe he can be helped, he can't be.)

In the above statement you used the word "normally", which is to say that there can exist a working counter- example to what you believe is true, e.g. if the person is not acting normal, then he can be changed. And what you also believe, by your words, is if the client hasn't reached a place were he/she can fit into your belief about what it should take to be ready, then there is very little immediate hope in your being able to be more than marginally help them.

Your statements also tend to speak for every single therapist who exists in the known world. In other words you have worded those statements, not just about what you can not do, but what anyone can not do. So let me ask you this, how do you know how successful a therapist in China, Japan, Italy, Mexico, etc., will be when faced with a similar client belief system? I know that you can not answer for all of the therapists you have yet to meet. Yet, by making the statements you did make, you are already speaking for all of the world!

How one strings words together has a great deal to do with the meaning of the message being offered. The way you chose to language the above statements tends to treat what you said as fact. Yet what you have offered is not more than a personal opinion, your personal opinion. Had you said that you, personally, were normally limited to offering only marginal help to people who had yet to manifest the behaviors and patterns that you perceived as supportive of the outcomes that they wanted, you would be presenting a more accurate statement.

There is an intrinsic jeopardy for the client when the therapist begins thinking in absolutes that determine what the client can or can not accomplish. Speaking for myself, what the client believes about being able to make the change makes little difference in relationship to the outcome. If the client is in my office it is because that client wants to make some kind of change. And even if that client doesn't yet believe that they can get what they want, I will still use my skills in helping them get there anyway. Again, I will say that is the way that I see and do it. It doesn't make it right, it doesn't make it wrong, yet it is a direct "counter example" to what you're saying CAN'T be done, at least not normally. Oh and by the way, is there really a "normally?" Or are there only fixed positions of perception that belong to people whom are in the habit of mistaking those perceptions of a limited shared reality? Or even for reality itself?

You see, when I look back over the years I see many therapists whom have made claims about what the client couldn't do. About what the client wasn't ready to change. These well intentioned therapists, after seeing the client for months on end, would later say that the client has to be first be ready. What, it took them months to realize that a person was not ready? Or is this an excuse for not being able to gain the results they have been going after for all of that time? Yet being ready is no different than anything else that can communicated to as a response. In other words, how can I use my skills so that I can get a response from this client that lets them know they are ready? If this is what they think they first need! Then follow that by helping them make the changes they want to make.

I take no issue in your not yet having reached a place in your own professional life in which you are moving past your old beliefs that you have used in determining whether or not a client will get significant results from your help. In fact, I admire that you are willing to tell people to come back at a later time when they are ready to fit your model for them. At least this way you are not wasting to much of their time and resources.

My point, if not completely clear, is about your believed perception of what is required for people to experience significant change---That you also think what you believe happens to be true for the every other person working as an agent of change. And if that is not your intention, it could be suggested that you change the way in which you languaged your statements; e.g. "In order for ME to be more than marginally helpful to a client, that client must be ready to change. Or at least fit my model for someone I perceive as ready to change." Or something to that effect.

To end this, and aside from what I noted for you here, I will say that I am impressed by the overall wisdom offered in your post, thanks for taking the time to offer it.

Carmine Baffa