Take a look at this and let me know what you are thinking. We shall talk about this when I see you next.

Criteria, or how we know when we are experiencing something is a very important part of structuring our realties. When it comes to the intangible like love, happiness, comfort, and the like, it is more using to have more ways, or a wider range of criteria for getting, experiencing those states. However, when we are moving toward the tangible, testable and specific outcomes, it is important that the criteria used to gage the experience of being on track is somehow tied directly to the results you are getting. It is one thing to know when you are feeling good, and to have many ways (criteria) of getting there, but is quite another to feel an appropriate response to NOT getting the results you want. And you do not want that to be a feeling of satisfaction. Perhaps more a feeling of motivation that is designed to improve your own choices in a way that is directly relevant to feedback you have created by the actual results you have gotten, and how that compares to the intended results you were wanting to create.

You see, it is going to make a difference as to how you are subjectively structuring your outcomes based on the class of outcomes you are going for. Year ago when I was much younger, I once asked myself how I knew when I was feeling loved? I was surprised when I discovered that my feeling loved was attached to significant others behaving in certain ways. Which also meant that if certain individual were NOT acting or behaving in a particular way, then I was not feeling loved. Which, of course, can only lead one into wanting to control another so that that person can experience the feeling of love. And this is what many significant relationships are designed. You act this way, I feel loved. You don't, then I must do something so that you do act this way....what a difficult loop to be in!!!

Now, when I discovered that some twenty two years ago, I decided that I wanted to just feel loved to the sake of it. I figured that if I could have this feeling of love as a given, as a meaning of my being alive, then that would free me up in ways that I couldn't even imagine. That having the feeling of love attached to eating right, to taking a shower. To taking the time to learn. To play, to take care of my own financial needs. I literally built in so many positive behaviors to the creating of the feeling of love, that I wound up feeling loved all of the time. That, and I wound up also building a reality for myself that was filled with positive, meaningful behavior that in itself wound up being a self fulfilling prophecy for being able to see that I truly was loved, that I truly loved myself.

Now, if you can not see the significance to my building this, then you ought to try building something like it yourself. Then you will see how it will free you so that you are not having to use your own behavior just trying to get the world to give you what you need just to feel loved. I am not joking here. Many people spend so much time and energy just trying to feel loved that they can not clearly step back and focus, not on what they need, but on what ever they want. And there is a different between having to do because you NEED, and doing simply because you have this life, and you can do what ever you WANT to do with it.

Now, I didn't;t only do this for the feeling of love, but also for other emotions that I thought were needs. I made certain that whatever needs I COULD meet on my own, I would. And you would be surprised how this has opened me up to being able to listen to others. To be able to give freely because I did not have to have this hidden motive that was trying to get some unmet need met that was out of my own awareness.

You ought to ask yourself how you know when you are feeling X? You may be surprised at some of the (criteria) answers you wind up with, or not.

Think about all of this and give me your take on it.

Talk to you soon.

Carmine