This article is designed to teach you how to install new beliefs in yourself. The topic of rapport is as good a place as any to start. Here are some particulars on developing rapport which will be followed by some of the presuppositions I use to support this model. .

Notice here some of the published methods for establishing rapport.

1. Pacing ones patterns of speech.

2. Pacing ones choice of predicates.

3. Pacing ones representational system at time of communication.

4. Pacing ones expressions.

5. Pacing ones movements.

6. Cross pacing ones movements.

7. Pacing ones rhythm.

8. Pacing ones Belief system.

9. Having them pace you.

10. Pacing ones eyes accessing patterns at time of communication.

Now, you can use any combination of the above, and there are many descriptions available in many books about NLP that you can read. I do not want to go into what is already available in this field that you can find and learn. What I am about to offer here is a different way to look at, or experience the process of rapport, and to set the ground for your being able to communicate more effectively. And, as I begin, I will lay out a few presuppositions I use for thinking about the notion of rapport. They are not yet true as a description of how to think about rapport, but I have found that the model I am about to offer you here works very well for establishing a very deep rapport.

Here are the presuppositions…

1. In most cases, and for the purpose of effective communication, Rapport is more useful than difference.

2. The more subtle, or unconscious your method for establishing rapport, the more Favorable are your chances for a successful outcome.

3. There is no such thing as resistance, only a lack of rapport.

4. Rapport is not something you get with another person, but rather a process Which you are constantly communicating toward.

5. When ever you are in the process of communication with yourself, or another Person, and you find that you are struggling to get your point across, one of the Following is being created.

5a. You are in the process of down time, paying attention to yourself, and not the other person.

5b. You are in the process of eliciting difference, and have moved out of the process of rapport.

6. Rapport is a natural state.

Forceful Communication has it’s place. You can force people to do things, but more times than not you are going to create an incongruent outcome. If you force people to do what you want, there is always the chance that they will give in then, but only later respond with communication designed to sabotage the selected outcomes which were the original meaning of that communication. Therefor, it is more useful to utilize rapport as a method of establishing a foundation for congruent agreement. And, if you ever come across a time when established rapport is not working, then it is time to do something else.

Now, the point of this article is to offer you an opportunity to begin thinking about communication from a different perspective. The model I am offering here has proven to be a highly effective means in which to establish and deep, undeniable rapport. But like any first step, rapport is only a beginning. It is where we start, and continue to move forward from. But there is much more to this model that just the beginning. You will find as you continue reading, that you can easily increase your effectiveness in any areas by using the principles offered in this article.

Before I go on, I want you to start by installing the above presuppositions, or beliefs in yourself. I am not going to rewrite them, as you can go back and look, but I will offer you a metaphor, and a process by which you can install them in yourself. Since they are JUST beliefs, you have a certain choice in deciding what you want to believe about anything. I will go into how to install the first one, you go back and finish by installing the rest of the beliefs yourself. Ready? OK. But wait....lets start out by making certain that you can install these new beliefs congruently. Because, as you have gone through life, you have developed many belief systems about many things. And, there have been times for everyone when we have changed what we believe. The very history of our world is based on example of people moving from one belief system to another. When we look at the field of aviation, there was a time when most people simply did not believe that powered flight of anything heavier than air was even a possible. Yet, after the Wright brothers succeeded in accomplishing powered flight, then the people of the world found a way to update their belief system about aviation. But what is even more important here, is that the Wright Brothers decided to believe that it was possible before there was evidence to prove it so. They developed a contrary belief system which allowed them to seek out a solution. In other words, they choose to believe that they could create this outcome well before any need for exacting proof. What I am asking you to do as well, is to make a choice that in the interest of your own future success, that you adapt the presuppositions/beliefs I offered above, then later, after you have learned the entire model I am offering here, you too can sort for methods of either proving if having installed these beliefs are useful for you, or not.

Ok, now, think of something that you know is a possibility for you. It does not have to be esoteric. Just something simple. Is it possible that you might try a new food if it looked appealing to you? Not that you WOULD, but rather that the possibility exists that you might if given the opportunity? Or maybe, it is possible that you MIGHT be willing to stay up really late one night because you have a chance to have some fun? Just think of something which to you COULD be a POSSIBILITY?

Ok, now, I want you to PRETEND that you can make an image of this thing you found that is just a possibility for you. Also, I want you to get a feel for it. remember that pretended image, and that feeling. Turn them up. Make the pretend image larger, the feeling stronger. Good, now, put this on the side. And as you do, let us simply call it the POSSIBILITY.

Now, think of something which is totally true for you. Something you are absolutely convinced of. Do you need air to stay alive? Do you need blood in your veins? Are you a woman? A man? Or something simple. Can you walk across a room if you want? Can you tie your shoelaces? Can you eat a meal if you want to?

We will call this the CONVINCER.

Now, again, pretend to be making an image of this thing you are totally convinced of. Get a feel for it. Listen to how you talk about it in your head. When you make this pretended image, where is it in relationship to your body in physical space? Is it in front of you? To the side? The top? Left? Right? Associated? Dissociated? Transparent? Clearly focused? Rich and colorful? Dark and dim? Is it in-between? Is it 2D? 3D? Or like the one I am making, almost invisible right now? Is it a moving image? A still shot? Multiple images?

And for the voice you use internal when you talk about it. Are talking about it softly? Sexy? Fast? Slow? What is the voice tone you are using? The timbre? The rhythm? Where is this voice coming from? The right, left, top, bottom? Past, future, or in-between? What about the feelings that go with it? Where in you body do they start? Notice the sensations. The frequency of those sensations? When you pay attention to those feelings do where to they start? In you mid section? You chest? Arm, leg, foot?

Now, bring back the POSSIBILITY experience, and compare the two in so far you now can. Compare all of the subparts. Where in location to your physical body are the sounds coming from when you think about each of these experiences auditorailly, and individually? What about the pretended images, in what location to your physical body are they located? What about the feelings? Again, compare, starting with the location, and move into the more subtle differences. One of the first steps in mastering your own ability to learn, to communicate more effectively, and to change what you want, is in learning how to learn about how you are able maintain these things in the first place. How you, as an INDIVIDUAL, are structured internally, and how and where you project these constructs externally as a means of making sense of the world around you. These exercises I am having you do will serve many purposes besides what I am teaching you right now. We will get to some of that latter, but for now, continue comparing the differences of these two constructs we have elicited together. Take as much time as you need as you learn how to stop now, and see, feel, and hear how you structure these two constructs we have elicited here. Discover just how many distinctions you can make from one to the other. write them down if you wish. And when you are done, we will use these two constructs as a means of deliberately installing the presuppositions I laid out above.

Now that you have taken this comparison to what ever limit of distinction you can at this time, knowing that you can learn how to improve on your ability to easily discover how your model of the world can work for you more deliberately, and with purpose of becoming more successful in being able to create what you want in this world, let us continue here by deliberately installing the first belief.

Now, take the POSSIBILITY thing, and start there by building in the same location, using the same voice and feeling characteristics, a new possibility that shows and tells you that In most cases, and for the purpose of effective communication, Rapport is more useful than difference. Build it in now so that it is just a POSSIBILITY. Where you can pretend to see, hear, and feel the possibility that rapport is more useful. Take your time, and quickly build this possibility in. Then, when you can see, hear and feel that it is now a possibility for you, I want you to look again at that thing we named the CONVINCER. And I also want you to look at the new POSSIBILITY, and begin adjusting the new possibility so that the content stays the same, but all of the other characteristics become the same as the CONVINCER. Map this new POSSIBILITY so that it takes on the same structure as the CONVINCER. Adjust all of the aspects of this so that they become identical to the convincer structurally.

Now, when you can look at the POSSIBILITY, and ascertain that you have adjusted it so that each characteristic is identical to the CONVINCER, I want you to push the POSSIBILITY off, and into the distance. Then, I want you to only look at the CONVINCER. And as you do, make this image of the CONVINCER bigger and a bit brighter, as you also turn up the volume of the voice that goes with it, and the intensity of the feelings too. And, as you are turning this up, I want you to look at the new POSSIBILITY off in the distance, and quickly slam it into the same location as the CONVINCER. The content of that POSSIBILITY stays the same, but the structure now becomes identical to the CONVINCER. Do this until you now know that you are certain of your new belief, that In most cases, and for the purpose of effective communication, Rapport is more useful than difference.

Do this process with all of the above presuppositions until you have them all installed as part of your world model. Obviously, I am not there to help you in doing this. I can not offer you any in time feedback because of this. But it is really this easy. Try these beliefs on for a while, and let me know. I will be writing part two as a follow up to this soon. Remember, I am interested in any feedback through email, not about how you could not install the thing, that part is just to easy, but how your world is different as a result of having these beliefs installed. What are you noticing that is different when you communicate with another person? Are you finding that creating and maintaining rapport with yourself and others to be something more natural? Something easier?

This is only one aspect of the model I am offering you. I will do the second part, and email it to those who have successfully installed the first part. In the second part I will include 3D images along with text which will show you how to develop instant rapport with anyone, anytime. Like I said, it will not be posted here publicly, because I am only interested in playing with people who are willing to do what it takes to make things happen in this world. People who are truly willing to go beyond the accepted standards of what was accepted, and instead dare to do what is completely different and highly effective. Do this part of the model, do it well, and let me how you have been affected throughout time, and If I am satisfied that you did follow the instructions I offered here in this first part, I will put your email address into the file that I will use to send out part two along with the 3D images. Do it, don't do it, call it what you want, but I am not interested in wasting my time. Remember, now you can install any beliefs you want to. And, If you try one on, and it does not work for you, then change it to something else.

One more offering on rapport before I close for now. In being a modeler, I am always looking for new things to model. Yet, some of what I find that is new, is history we may not yet know about, or have forgotten aoubt. An example of this can be realized by watching young children at play with one another. What many people who teach rapport don't yet realize, is the simply fact that rapport is more of a natural function of communication which can be restricted by the process of teaching difference. When I watch young children at play I notice the ease at which they are able to establish and maintain rapport. And, as part of a project I did, I also noticed that as these children grow older, and are taught to see more difference between themselves and other children, the more the process of rapport becomes restricted as a natural function.

If you look at any tribe, or coherent culture, you will find a system of rapport which functions to a very deep level. What allows for this deep rapport is the sameness which is shared inside of the tribe, or coherent culture. By the same token, if you take two different tribes that share completely different belief systems, you can wind up with very little rapport, or even the possibility of war. It is the differences that can cause communication to break down, even to the point of war. It is the sameness that young children experience that allows for their deep an natural rapport. This realized, it becomes even more important to understand some of the purpose for the presuppositions offered in NLP. Here are a few of them.

The map is not the territory.

Look at this from the point of establishing rapport. If you can believe that we do not act on reality directly, but operate out of a model or map of the world, then it becomes more difficult to fight for ones beliefs about the world. They are not real, but only things we have made up as a means of understand the world around us. And if we are not fighting, then we have a better chance to develop rapport.

And, if we can look at another person, no matter what they believe, or how terrible their behavior is, and say use this other NLP presupposition. . . .

People always make the best choices available to them in a given time and space. Not that there aren't better choices in the world, but this person is either not aware of them in this context, or is not able to get to them and use them. If we adapt this presupposition, we are increasing out chances for developing rapport.

How about this presupposition, and again from the point of rapport...

If one person can do it, then anyone can learn how to do it.

Think about that. If we look at someone who we think of as stupid, or if we can do something fantastic but believe we are special because of this, then we will be communicating that to the people we come into contact with. Even if we do it nonverbally, we are risking rapport by risking that our commination will case another person to feel less than, or stupid.

And how will this next presupposition help us in maintaining deep rapport?

The meaning of communication is the response you get. Well, if I communicate something, and believe that it was misunderstood, but begin by blaming the other person, then what have I done ensure a useful rapport? But, if instead I decide to take responsibility for my communication by choosing to find some other way to get my point across without blaming, I am at least doing something which has a greater chance of developing, or maintaining rapport.

Look over the remaining presuppositions of NLP and see them from the point of rapport. If you do not know what they are, then ask someone to post them to the NG. See how adapting them, and acting as if they were real can be useful to developing rapport.

Remember, a very large part of learning NLP is in the functioning of it's presuppositions. If you take the time to install those presupposition into you world model, you will also be more able to successfully use the skill sets taught as a part of NLP. I happen to think Richard Bandler, and John Grinder were brilliant in uncovering how well Milton Erickson M.D. used similar presuppositions. Milton when out of his way in establishing rapport with people. He learned a great deal about many topics so that he could better pace a larger audience of different people. When he came across a patient who was really out there, many times he would study the structure of HOW that person was able to be out there, and use that as a pace at leading that person back. I can't say enough about the usefulness of rapport, as it eliminates the need to force, or fight, or compete, when you are wanting instead to be effective.

What is more important, being RIGHT, or being effective? The person who maintains a deep understanding for the meaning of "the map is not the territory", will surely spend less time defending what is right, and more time structuring their communication so that they can be effective. Rapport is a process which makes this easier. And when you are making things easier, you are also providing the basis for a flow state. Because if you look at the times you were the most effective with you communication, you will find, more times than not, that you were simply flowing. You may even find you were having fun, and in the least, you were feeling better than the times in which you fought and struggled only winding up having to start all over again at a later date. When you look at your life, and you think of all of the projects you have going, and the things you want to accomplish, time becomes an important notion. Either you are moving in the directions you want to be moving into, or you are not. Anything you can do which will help you move more into the directions you want, without having to hurt anyone along the way, can be considered to be in your own best interest. Now, if you take the time to develop a prepositional base which is designed to allow you to communicate more effectively in every area of you life, utilizing the process of rapport alone the way, then you will be helping others as you help yourself. Everyone can win this way. It's not that this is the only way, as some people will do whatever it takes, even if that means hurting others along the way, but doing it that way just isn't necessary. You can do it, have fun, enjoy the people you are doing it with, and like what you see looking back when you look into a mirror. The choice is always yours. Look long term. How do you do it now, so that it takes care of itself tomorrow? How do you make what you are doing fit with all of the other things you want to do? How can you develop relationships where all involved win? This way all who get on the bus can take a turn at the wheel. How do you use all of what has been written on this page for that person you see when you look into that mirror? How do you apply to self the presuppositions I have talked about here? What would the benefits be of doing so?

That is it for now. Let me know how it goes for you.

Stay well

Carmine

PS, For those of you who will be coming to the next training, we will be playing with this model some. I will be bringing some of the 3D images visual idea of the instant rapport model, the part two of this. If you can install this part ahead of time let me know. We will perform a TOTE to see how well you have installed it, and how well it has generalized to more areas of your life than you considered when installing it. This way we can take a look at what you need so that you can be more effective with self installation, or not.

See you then.